The Modern Gentleman

It was a long/short insanely busy weekend. After finishing my fair today I crashed blissfully into a 2+ hour nap. Thus, here I am, approaching my old man bedtime and still alert as a box jellyfish.

That might not be the simile I'm looking for... anyhow, it is currently vogue in the blogosphere to discuss the written works that (one believes) have truly influenced their life. I decided I would join that parade.
- Maddog

In college I had a "gentlemen" phase. For my own reasons, I became wrapped up in manners, dress, and "proper" manly behavior. Mind you, I'm not saying I took all of this information to heart - there's only so much polishing one can do to an uncouth Missouri turd - but I absorbed a great deal. Only one work from this phase truly served a relevant and incisive role in my life: Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro's The Modern Gentleman.




The book bills itself as "a guide to essential manners, savvy, and vice," and indeed it is in this mission that I found the book refreshing. Unlike those that focus exclusively on properly proper behavior, Mollod and Tesauro cheekily explore how to properly execute improper behavior. Flaskmanship. Gate-crashing. Three-ways. Spitting, hygiene, toiletiquette, literature, music, breaking up, hooking up, letter-writing, interior design, drinking, tobacco, harder drugs, gambling, travel, and even that day when the bachelor no longer flies solo (and the preparations leading up to it). Surveying both the wholesome and the unsavory was no doubt a business decision upon their part, but it comes with an honesty and an acceptance of how men truly behave ... or at the least how they wish that they could behave.

The authors admit that the work is "more than a little bit decadent," but this indulgence is part of its charm. It is not a prescriptive guide on the way a man should live his life, but simply a pool of suggestions. To wit:
"The Modern Gentleman is not a cure-all of flaccid character ... nor is it a pick-up guide for dummies, a fudge-your-way-through-life primer, or "the last word" on style or dress."

"The Modern Gentleman is an attainable character, not larger than life, but exactly the size of it."

Trite? Perhaps. Fascinating and entertaining? Most definitely. Please forgive me one personal digression...

In July of 2006, I had the honor of serving as Ben's best man. It was a truly awesome experience and I hope that each man gets a chance in his life to do likewise. In my mind, there was no task more important than the toast and I stressed over this tribute. I was a fish out of water, having never delivered such an address. Luckily, Mollod and Tesauro include an entire section in the book to Best Manning, and a sub-section devoted to toasting. It was, for lack of a better metaphor, the lighthouse that kept me from the rocks. My favorite excerpt:

"Unless possessed of stentorian voice, regale briefly and effectively. Instead of fumbling about lack of preparation or public speaking experience, grasp the moment. Shower guests with stories, sans allusions to explicit stories of substance abuse or anything that happened last night. Despite a fiendish, boyish charm, show maturity. Meaningful instances of friendship and a few minutes of heartfelt gravity make for great copy and a fine set-up for a raucous finish. Leave the crowd guffawing and wanting more."

I took their advice - I started collecting stories a couple of months in advance. I mixed levity and gravitas. And I kept it short - well, as much as I keep anything short.

The toast was a hit.

And in my mind, this book is as well.