AP History

In early June I traveled to Louisville, KY to grade AP US History exams for the College Board. It is not a terrible gig, decent pay, room and board covered for 7 days, and your travel expenses reimbursed. This is something of a rite of passage for young faculty members, most will do at least a single reading so they can put it on their cv.

Having read well over 1,000 essays in those seven days I can tell you that we are raising a generation of morons who cannot spell, do not comprehend even the most basic principles of grammar, logic and argument to say nothing of their racism, jingoism and ignorance of history. All the more frightening is that these students should represent the top students in the country, those intending to go to college.

Anyway, over the days of grading I recorded some of my favorite sentences and passages for your enjoyment. I'll present a few here, some with commentary, others stand on their own ridiculous two feet.

I graded two different questions: the first asked for to students to assess and compare the WWII home front experiences of any two of the following four groups: African Americans, Japanese-Americans, Mexican-Americans, and Jewish-Americans. Personally, I believe it was a poorly worded question, but anyway, the College Board did not ask me.

Some of the gems from this batch, and please remember these are verbatim transcripts:

"This is the day we will live in infamy." [what have you and your friends done?]

"Also, Hitler was 'cristalizing' the plans where he broke all the windows of the building." [thinking about meth again?]

"The nuclear bombing of Cuba have caused a riot for Americans thinking that no one outside of his/her country can be trusted." [is that why it is so hot in Cuba?]

"During World War II, many people were restricted of their rights and forced to things impossible to the nature of man." [Really? they did the impossible" Someone has seen too many John Wayne movies]

"The Irish's Plot had been wildly sucessful and without the Japanese competition in the work force, the Irish prospered." [so that's why Japanese American were interned during the war - the bloody Irish!]

"Though FDR did not want war, 'war hawks' appeared and he had one. People were outraged by this, so Americans needed all the fighters it could get." [Was it tasty?]