Transition

Seeing as today was our first genuinely muggy day of a Missouri June, I thought this a fitting time to ruminate upon the changes wrought by Summer. For those who don't know, yet still care, I am going to return for a third year in my current mode of employment. Were I to discuss this with you in conversation, I would likely blame my good friend the recession and its decimation of the American job market. The Kansas City Metro has not been immune - in fact, even some of the largest and most steadfast employers in the City have terminated workers over the past 6 months. As you may have surmised already, this is a pretty handy excuse when explaining why I didn't apply for any other jobs.

In the interest of full disclosure, the reasons go deeper than this. On the "job" side, I know this job and it is pretty easy. Yeah, I complain about it, but frankly, I like to complain. You could say I don't know how to be happy about anything in my life, and subsequently I fixate upon the negatives. Yes, I am certain that this particular job is not something that I desire as a career; as it is both intellectually un-stimulating and largely unrewarding. Now, I'm not so naive to think that a person will ever, in their entire lifetime, find a job that satisfies them. However, I can and I will aspire to something more fulfilling. However, I enjoy "most" of the people I work with, I like many of the people I've met from other schools while doing this, and I definitely feel that a job in the hand is worth far, far more than going out and searching for one in this climate.

In addition (and I'm well aware that I have a propensity to overanalyze), from a psychological standpoint this job is a known quantity, a ersatz comfort zone in a ship life that I have no idea how to captain.* Bear with me as I say something incredibly obvious: searching for other jobs = I might actually interview for other jobs = stressful situation. Interviewing for other jobs = I might take another job = stressful, new situation, meeting new people, learning new job. Before anyone lectures me in the comments (or in their head) when they read this, I realize that fearing change is no way to successful navigate life. But you can't tell me that I'm the first person to use aversion to change as a justification for inertia.

Even deeper in my psyche, the aversion to looking for a new job is based in my own insecurities. I think I should be losing weight, honing new skills, making new connections, and all in all improving my employability. I don't feel like I've accomplished any of these things in my first two years. I'm also critically torn over my performance at this job. I know you would all be shocked to learn that I haven't really busted my ass here at the alma mater. While I don't think my boss would ever give a bad reference - especially if she wants me gone badly enough - I do feel that I don't necessarily deserve a decent one based on what I've done so far. Here lies a slippery slope: on one hand we have the allowance of more time morphing into procrastination and ultimately, stagnation. And I am not, as they say, getting any younger. However, time is also a chance to help correct old wrongs.

The current contracts are up at the end of this month. Some good people are moving on, including the only remaining person from my July 1, 2007 cohort. This is sad, but it is not unexpected. This is an office characterized by the transitory nature of its staff. As Scott once told me (and apologies if I'm misremembering), people do this job for fewer than 3 years or more than 30. Many in our office do it for one, needing a stopover job before they head on to grad school OR realize that there are some things (or people) in this office not worth putting up with for another year for the pay. I'll admit it's an interesting sociological experiment, as those eagerly counting down the days (and sometimes mailing it in**) work alongside others who have been in this office for 10, 20, or even 30 years. Not that I can blame them, in fact I'm kind of jealous. For, old though I might be, I remember how it felt that last semester of grad school, when school-related matters held the same priority level as the cleanliness of my toilet or the starch-iness of my collars.

And although some are moving on, there are some good people here: people who do their jobs well, people I enjoy working with. And we shall continue, as Tennyson's great hero Ulysses said, "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

* I watch too much Frasier to entirely avoid bad metaphors.
** I personally believed that "mailing it in" was a ubiquitous American slang phrase that everyone, and I mean everyone, knew. From blank stares in the past couple of weeks I've learned that this is not true. From Urban Dictionary.