Much Ado About Nothing

What you see here is a replica of a 1962 Dallas Texans helmet. If the fact that I'm writing about it doesn't tip you non-sports fans off, maybe the color scheme will: the Texans moved to Kansas City and became the Chiefs in 1963. It was revealed today that the Chiefs would wear these throwback unis three times this coming season, including their ironic game against the Cowboys, the team that caused them to move in the first place.

Enter sports radio. Sports radio has an often deserved reputation as the bottom of the media barrel, appealing to the lowest common denominator with mindless rants, tasteless insults, and idiotic callers. The tactics are no different than other types of radio (Rush Limbaugh and the legion of other reactionaries (Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity) dotting the dial, for instance), only the topic varies. Hey it sells. A lot of people like it when "personalities" yell and scream and insult. I'm sure for many of them the incendiary things they say are partially a form of pandering to the crowd. I'm in the car alot and I like sports, including many of the teams relevant to this metropolis - thus I listen to a lot of sports radio.

Here in KC I'm pretty lucky: my station of choice (Sportsradio 810 WHB) has 12 hours of local programming per day and 8 of those are incendiary free. From 6-10 the Border Patrol is irreverent and humorous, sports talk dabbled with conversations about one of the producers eating an entire bag of chocolate donuts in 2 minutes. The Program with Soren Petro (10-2) is typically more serious - Petro has a bit of know-it-all in him, but he is by far the most knowledgeable and well-researched sports radio personality I've ever come across, and he's also the station's shooting star. Not only is his show the highest rated sports radio show ini town, he draws praise from figures both local and national.

This brings us to Kevin Kietzman's "Between the Lines" from 2-6. Yes, Kietzman, one of the station's owners, is the drive-time guy. He's also the onlys "stereotypical" sports radio guy on 810. He likes to make mountains out of molehills, rant about the most idiotic things, and then is surprised when callers want to argue with him. I reall think it hurts his pride that Petro draws higher ratings than he does and he does what he can to generate interest.

Before today I hadn't listened to Kietzman in a while. You see last week, after Mizzou had won the Big 12 Men's Basketball tourney, he devoted his monologue to his belief that Mizzou fans should enjoy it because they'd never win another one under Mike Anderson. Not only was Anderson a poor recruiter, but he'd also benefited from the rest of the league being down and OU and KU's gratutious early exit. Kietz is a K-State grad who has ironically been sucking the dong of KU and Bill Self all season long and doubted Anderson's Mizzou team (he predicted 10-6 at absolute best in the league, they went 12-4). As a Mizzou fan (and Mizzou fans are a significant portion of his audience) I was irritated by this blatant raining on the parade. If the Jayhawks had won the tourney he would have lauded Bill Self as the greatest coach in basketball history. Yes, I'm biased on this subject.

Back to the nature at hand, I made the mistake of having Kietzman on this afternoon while making a short drive. Though my exposure was short, I absorbed his utterly idiotic point. Today it was the throwback uniforms that had drawn his ire. As you can tell, the helmet is adorned with an image of (gasp) the state of Texas. Not too surprising for a team that was known as the "Texans." This was utterly unacceptable, a sheer abomination to Kietzman. His reasons (and my thoughts following)

1. It was disrespectful to the taxpayers of "his city" that have supported the Chiefs for more than 40 years to display another state on the uniform.
- Is it disrespectful to celebrate the team's history, a history that many fans might not know anymore? To give their fans to see their team play in a different uniform (which frankly excites a lot of fans) and even purchase retro memorabilia. People in this town, Kietzman included, lionize Lamar Hunt - Lamar Hunt loved Texas and lived there his entire life. He wanted a team in Texas and that's why he founded the Texans. Moving to KC was a business decision, one mutually beneficial to the metro and the Hunt family. Ludicrous. What's more, it is the taxpayers of Jackson County, and to a lesser extent Kansas City, MO, that are footing the bill for renovations and maintenance of Arrowhead Stadium. Ironically, both Mr. Kietzman's residence and company are based in Johnson County, KS, the heart of entitled suburbia. Best yet, I have no doubt that before the renovations were approved by taxpayers, Mr. Kietzman would have been happy to see the teams move across the stateline.

2. The Chiefs, he argued, have been built up by the community and similarly have a duty to aggrandize the community that supports them.
- Frankly, there are a many people who only know Kansas City because of their professional sports teams. Highlights on Sportscenter and sports websites provide the greatest national exposure KC gets. The only thing in the last few months that has drawn more national attention to Kansas City than the Chiefs is the incompetent Mayor Mark Funkhouser, who has fought in both courts of law and the courts of public opinion both to keep his disastrous wife working in his office.

3. People would switch to the game and not even know what team is playing.
- I think this is my favorite, because it's the most idiotic.
A. the color scheme is exactly the same as the Chiefs standard uniforms
B. the scoreboard on television/at the stadium will read KC
C. Retro unis make money. Funny, nobody had any difficulty identifying retro Jets from original Jets this past year - and this may be the biggest discrepancy between two uniforms of the same team I've ever seen.

4. There are better throwbacks to use, including his choice, this one:

Yes, that's right. Instead of a helmet that displays the dastardly state of Texas, Kietzman would prefer they use what might be the most tasteless logo in the history of professional sports. It is 2009, not 1969.

This has so incensed Kietzman that he's started an online-petition on the station's website (read: a desperate attempt to generate traffic to the station's new website). Sadly, there is no option to say that you are fine with the planned retro uniforms - you can only weigh in to complain and choose one of the provided alternatives.

I realize the only thing more ludicrous than Kietzman's argument here is that fact that I spent so much time and effort arguing against it.